(Selalu je start ngan bismillah....pahtu kalau terfikir na wat post sal mende ngarut pon jadi segan dah..ngaaa~~)
This morning, was listening to Jay Park's "Go" in the mashrut on the way to Infection Hospital in Kirovsky. (Today's our first first day of Clinical Microbe cycle)
The song tells about this guy, who's kind of a player ( in korean: nappeun namja). He's telling the girl to go because even though he really loves her, he can't be satisfied with her alone; telling her that he doesn't really need her anymore, that he actually really do love her but nonetheless he's telling her to go because he's toxic to her life. His heart is also hurt when she cries because of him, and he hates himself for being like that. So, he doesn't want her to appear before him ever again.
The ride to Kirovsky took more than an hour. During that time, I thought a lot about the song. People like that do exist, in fact. He really does love her. But at the same time he's unable to be faithful only to her and can't be satisfied with her alone. He hates himself for that and for making her cry. But he can't help himself. So, he thinks the best way is for the girl to leave him, because being with him will only hurt her more.
I think the guy really must have loved the girl, because otherwise, he wouldn't have bothered to lose a girl for his infidelity. But because he loved her, he wants her to break away from him. He knows that's the only way she can really be happy.
The song attracted me because of the music and, although I think the lyrics are harsh to the girl, surprisingly I also feel that they're raw, truthful and is actually a reality that the girl might have been trying to avoid but now has to face.
I used to think people like the guy, with such mixed emotions are just characters of dramas, or that saying they're sorry but they can't help themselves from being unfaithful are just lame, slap-inducing excuses.
But after watching, ironically, the Japanese drama "Last Friends" (where the charming antagonist Sosuke beats her girlfriend senseless due to extreme jealousy), I came to accept that people like him really do exist.
From the equation of:
He can't be faithful ---> (it's hurting her) + He really does love her = He leaves the other girls and become faithful to her.
The guy rationalized instead the equation with a different outcome:
He can't be faithful ---> (it's hurting her) + He really does love her = They have to break up. She has to go, never appear in front of him ever again.
Eyh?
Yes, it is a twisted sense of rationalization. But in reality,people opting that rationalization do exist.
From that, I continued to thinking about Wafiq Wasim. He's a character from Hilal Asyraf's novel "Sinergi". Wafiq Wasim is a really charming and handsome guy, who has a beautiful voice, making him a heartthrob. He aims muslimahs bertudung, conquers the girls' hearts and then crushes them by breaking up with the girls and humiliating them, saying they're easy and cheap.
See guys like Sosuke, Wafiq Wasim and the guy portrayed in Jay Park's song "Go" each have their own history, the behind-the-scene story of how they became who they are.
Sosuke who only had his mother, was abandoned as a small child in his own home, one day out of the blue. The neighbors found him a few days later in his home, starving. He was undertaken by the Children's Welfare Department and later was sent to an orphanage. In his adult life, he worked in the Children's Welfare Department and had extraordinary empathy towards kids who were abandoned by their families, maybe because he can see the reflection of his pain from years back, but he developed a violent character towards his girlfriend from extreme jealousy. He killed himself in the end, leaving a note saying that he really truly loved her, that he hated himself for hurting her, that killing himself was the only way she could be safe from him, and that he was sorry that because he was never loved, even though he loved her, he didn't know how to love.
Wafiq Wasim is another case. He became a player because he felt vengeful towards muslimahs bertudung. He had a girlfriend yg bertudung, who left him during his darkest and painful time, because she believed a lie/accusation about him. So, he aims to expose muslimahs bertudung of their weakness, that their hearts can easily be swayed, quote: " bertudung tapi boleh je dia peluk aku bila aku nak tinggalkan dia". But before that, he also has a history. He's also an orphan. He needs to surround himself with girls who adore and admire him, and crave for his attention. Because, with that it transiently fills his empty heart & soul.
However in this case, the ending's is a total different story.
When the girls stopped chasing him, because they realized that muslimahs should be like expensive pearls, that obsessing over a human brings nothing but Allah's wrath, and that what they really want is love that invites heaven, Wafiq Wasim felt hollow, empty and lonely.
During this time, one of the protagonist, Asid (real name: Rasyid Zakwan) (p/s: i'm a fan of Asid!!) made him realized that the only thing that can fill his empty and hollow heart & soul isn't attention nor love from any girl or anyone, but is giving attention & love to Allah, and finding His attention & love.
Wafiq Wasim found himself, he found Allah, and he felt peace and love like he never felt before. He sings not of worldly love anymore, not of girls anymore, but of Allah's love and of Allah's greatness.
Different huh?
What makes Wafiq Wasim's story have a totally different twist from the other two?
IMAN.
Iman makes it different. True love comes with sacrifice. But sacrificing the girl to keep being unfaithful, although accepted it's due to past history's sculpture of the personality, is just...Bllwweehh~!
TRUE love is being prepared to sacrifice anything and everything for the one you love. That is love. True love is finding peace in that someone you love. True love brings you heaven on earth and invites heaven in afterlife. Now that's love.
And no love is more true & more pure than the love Allah has for us & we for Allah.
Iman coordinates our way to something beautiful and peaceful.
Wafiq Wasim found that. He found it. He found Allah.
If Sosuke & the "Go" guy had found iman first, insyaAllah their endings would have been a whole lot different.
IMAN. You think it's the basic, as simple as ABC. But it makes all the difference.
p/s: Yeah, I know. I admit I do think a lot. My mom says so, my akak naqibah says so too. Oh well.
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