Darkness

It's dark where I am right now.
I'm currently hiding out.
I'm hiding out from reality, and responsibilities that I have to bear if I face it.
I bundle myself up in a world of my imagination, where darkness is my freedom.
A world so impossible, I paralyse myself in between these two worlds.

I open my eyes and see the person who is right now where I was before.
That person will not understand that I, at this moment, before her eyes, am being engulfed by a daze, a confusion of who I am, a hatred towards the world I am living. She will say this and that, but there is no solution without understanding the problem.
And she will not be able to understand me.
I have been there, where all I see despite blood and sweat is hope and light.
But I have fallen into nowhere, where all I see despite smiles and laughter is doom and darkness.

I close my eyes to avoid the realization that I am falling.
I don't want to see that I am falling.
I am falling and I will be broken into pieces again.
I don't want others to see that I am falling, I don't want to accept the fact that I am falling.
But, I know I am.

Now, darkness feels more like home.

I have always cared,
I have always bore weight on my shoulders,
I have always felt guilt for others' oblivion and ignorance,
how does it feel to not care?
To go about without feeling propelled to do something.
Do as you wish, and I will do as I wish!
Darkness is pulling me into this sweetness of throwing everything into the air and go
"Screw everything!"
And I will be screwed along with it.